Eros – Sebastián Gámez Millán

Eros – Sebastián Gámez Millán

Eros

 

***

 

Marc Chagall – Birthday [1915 – MoMa, New York City]

***

A veces creemos que el amor, como la felicidad, no existe. Estamos enredados en ideas inadecuadas, y hay que desenredarlas para ver y ser de otro modo. Que el amor no sea constante, que en ocasiones no haya amor sin odio, que el amor no siempre perdure como hubiéramos querido, no significa que el amor no exista.

“Un beso, dos besos, tres besos, cuatro besos, cinco besos, cuatro besos, tres besos, dos besos, ningún beso” (Pitigrilli), ¿cuántos besos suman? ¿Se puede medir el amor? Que acabe no significa que no haya existido, y que no nos haya llevado a experimentar “los hermosos límites de la vida”. Por eso amamos, por eso nos arriesgamos a amar. ¿Definir el amor? El amor se siente, se vive o nos hace vivir, pero no se deja definir.

Todo lo que tiene una historia no puede tener una definición, y el amor no tiene una sino mil y una historias que contar y revelarnos. Pero ¿cómo hablar de algo sin definirlo, siquiera parcialmente? Debemos volver de nuevo a Platón para saber de qué hablamos cuando hablamos de amor: “lo que no tenemos, lo que no somos, lo que nos falta, he aquí los objetos del deseo y del amor”. Cada ser es un fragmento, y el amor encierra la esperanza de que con nuestra encuentro con otro ser nos completemos por fin.

Por ello el amor es, como decía Ortega, “el eterno insatisfecho”. Pero no nos engañemos: no amamos a alguien porque sea amable o reúna una serie de cualidades que admiramos. Es el deseo, aquello que incesantemente nos mueve, lo que nos transforma en amable o deseable a otro ser. Ahora bien, si me preguntáis qué es el deseo, debo deciros: “el deseo es una respuesta cuya pregunta no existe”.

Tanteemos otras definiciones: “El amor no tiene cura, pero es la única medicina para todos los males” (Leonard Cohen). Y ahora del buen amor: “El amor consiste en dos soledades que se defienden mutuamente, se delimitan y rinden homenaje” (Rilke). Podríamos ofrecer otras mil y una definiciones, pero, como siempre, será mejor que cada uno lo experimente, que cada uno lo viva, quizá solo así podrá reconocerlo.

¿Es lo mismo amar para la mujer que para el hombre? “Según se es, así se ama”, decía Ortega. Y esta es la razón de la una de las mayores fuentes de malentendidos en las relaciones amatorias. Porque creemos, tantas veces erróneamente, que casi todas nuestras acciones encierran una manifestación de amor, mientras que las del otro no. Como cada uno expresa el amor a su manera, con frecuencia creemos que el otro no nos quiere, o no lo suficientemente, sin percatarnos que también nosotros manifestamos el amor a nuestra manera.

¿Amar o ser amado? Desde luego, amar y ser amado. Cuando amamos somos nosotros, cuando no podemos o no sabemos amar, solo soy yo. Y uno prefiero “el nosotros” al “yo”, a pesar de que no ignoro que la soledad más desgarradora proviene del “nosotros” o, mejor dicho, del nosotros que se convierte en “tú” y “yo”. Esta pregunta, ¿amar o ser amado? procede de nuestro temor a amar sin ser correspondido, pero al mismo tiempo nos resulta muy difícil amar sin ser amados.

He ahí el milagro del amor, y también, por qué no decirlo, Narciso: el que siente que seduce es al mismo tiempo seducido. No obstante, reconozcámoslo: amamos poco y mal, cuando la verdadera medida del amor es, como decía san Agustín, “el amor sin medida”. ¿Por qué es tan importante el amor, el buen amor? Porque en cierto modo toda nuestra felicidad y toda nuestra miseria dependen de qué y cómo amamos.

 

***

Sebastián Gámez Millán

Autor

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